For all the Joys I have seen,
For the downhills I faced,
For the motivation and impetus,
regret and depression,
perseverance and blessing,
honor and victory
Indeed it has been a good year, inspite of the falls.
The pit was shorter than my jump.
The sun was brighter when I got out of the shade.
I learnt to smile better and made more friends.
Found better greens I could move forward to.
Thanks 2008 for being good to me. :)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A new leaf
I always wonder what I was in my previous existence. In fact, I do not believe or even state with passionate conviction that current life is a consequence of prior lives or that those who deny religion will face apocalypse. But I believe in religion, more as a faith that holds me together, as a confidence that I look up to when self proclaimed truth fails, when there is a clash between heart and mind, when simple undeniable realities face up to you and question your belief in Science alone.
It is as strong a faith as a motivation that arises out of mind's eternal search for wisdom, prosperity, peace and power. I tend to vaguely ponder previous existence atleast to corroborate the fact that energy cannot be destroyed. The body falls to the earth. But where does the life go?
It is not the vice of faith but the beacon of light that religion holds that makes me wonder about anything for which we have no answers yet. The line that unites religion and faith is as far as the end of rainbow. When the blinding flash of it becoming reality occurs, that's when we will actually realize the meaning of atom, get a perspective and its undying truth that every soul that stepped into earth left its abode still searching for answers..
It is as strong a faith as a motivation that arises out of mind's eternal search for wisdom, prosperity, peace and power. I tend to vaguely ponder previous existence atleast to corroborate the fact that energy cannot be destroyed. The body falls to the earth. But where does the life go?
It is not the vice of faith but the beacon of light that religion holds that makes me wonder about anything for which we have no answers yet. The line that unites religion and faith is as far as the end of rainbow. When the blinding flash of it becoming reality occurs, that's when we will actually realize the meaning of atom, get a perspective and its undying truth that every soul that stepped into earth left its abode still searching for answers..
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Whew!!
Dated : May 2007
I have been working long and hard .. not to say productive but i know its beyond me when i fail to distinguish the sunrise and sunset that capture the day and look at the color change in the sky and start my count down again..
A starbucks cofee long gone cold, a piece of an old apple pie , memories of sambar idly , a smelly tiffin box, 3 hand kerchiefs of different colors, a comb, a sock and a cartload of papers , each of them having been scribbled over enough number of times and their ink smudged and paper dog eared , a watch , earphones of my IPOD(without my ipod), an empty purse and a dishevelled look on my face and a pang on excitement when i think of bed and stuffed toys ..
when i reach that point of state mentioned above , where the physical self disowns the senses , i know that i have worked long enough..
when my head bobbles up and down the ocean of panic, i should lest realize that i should go home..
Well....... else if i am still not done with the work, my brain takes occassional breaks ,bows down to the caffine and lets my hand take over to write the most distressed and boring blog ever like this one...
I have been working long and hard .. not to say productive but i know its beyond me when i fail to distinguish the sunrise and sunset that capture the day and look at the color change in the sky and start my count down again..
A starbucks cofee long gone cold, a piece of an old apple pie , memories of sambar idly , a smelly tiffin box, 3 hand kerchiefs of different colors, a comb, a sock and a cartload of papers , each of them having been scribbled over enough number of times and their ink smudged and paper dog eared , a watch , earphones of my IPOD(without my ipod), an empty purse and a dishevelled look on my face and a pang on excitement when i think of bed and stuffed toys ..
when i reach that point of state mentioned above , where the physical self disowns the senses , i know that i have worked long enough..
when my head bobbles up and down the ocean of panic, i should lest realize that i should go home..
Well....... else if i am still not done with the work, my brain takes occassional breaks ,bows down to the caffine and lets my hand take over to write the most distressed and boring blog ever like this one...
Thoughts..
Dated: May 2007
When you have lived through time when you had everything one could ever want but never realised how important they were , when you have had a home town to go to at the distance of a bus ride, friends all around you, food you take for granted to be available at the nearest local restaurant , the public transport at your disposal, phone you could use without worrying whether you could manage the bills,a cofee shop to spend those unforgettable precious moments with a dear one, a job that you could get killed working, more friends who would listen to your yapping ,a monthly salary and a single independent life and when you embark on a dream that you have long planned.. , you assume you are mentally prepared to give up everything for a short stint so that u can make it big in life...but no matter how prepared or planned in advance, it always comes in as a shock.. atleast to people who are not ashamed to be in touch with their emotions. Is it worth while ?? Do these fleeting thoughts make you a different person or do they just bring out an inherent form of expression that never had the opportunity to rise up and high ? Should you learn to grow up by trying to remain untied from these thoughts which choke you up, by being objective or should you let it overwhelm you once in a while ? I hope the destination is worth the journey!!!
When you have lived through time when you had everything one could ever want but never realised how important they were , when you have had a home town to go to at the distance of a bus ride, friends all around you, food you take for granted to be available at the nearest local restaurant , the public transport at your disposal, phone you could use without worrying whether you could manage the bills,a cofee shop to spend those unforgettable precious moments with a dear one, a job that you could get killed working, more friends who would listen to your yapping ,a monthly salary and a single independent life and when you embark on a dream that you have long planned.. , you assume you are mentally prepared to give up everything for a short stint so that u can make it big in life...but no matter how prepared or planned in advance, it always comes in as a shock.. atleast to people who are not ashamed to be in touch with their emotions. Is it worth while ?? Do these fleeting thoughts make you a different person or do they just bring out an inherent form of expression that never had the opportunity to rise up and high ? Should you learn to grow up by trying to remain untied from these thoughts which choke you up, by being objective or should you let it overwhelm you once in a while ? I hope the destination is worth the journey!!!
Dated : March 2007
Many a times we end up doing stuff , ignorant of the ramifications of our actions..
One tiny example of that is celebrating holi..
For a southie like me , who most always ran away from colors of holi ,be it in the neighbourhood or college , verbally slaughtered by my north indian friends as 'murdering the spirit of holi' ,any opportunity to look at an ocean of brown faces in a foreign counrty is more than enticing..
and so i went 2 be a part of the gang which managed to find an "indi dukan" in the middle of nowhere and armed with colors that would put a rainbow to shame , we launched the celebration.
Nothing gives you more a pleasure to destroy the tidy corridors and muddle the pool into a heavenly mixture .. well. nothing , probably more than trying out wild designs on people you dont even know , venting your vendatta on "any" available clean face :).
Grab the opportunity .!! well.. all done ....... serenity demolished , assignments ,exams and due papers long forgotten , out come brown people in all sizes and shapes with a dab of blue,green and what not. Some one even went to the extent of getting out chilli powder!!
dude!! hold on!! hell no .. i like holi but i dont wanna be crippled for life.......
and so it went............ for an hour,two , prob 5..
When the noise became too much,and people looked at us appalled ,prob wondering whether the natives have decided to launch their attack ...... and someone s meek warning that cops mite sniff us out.. thats when the fun stopped... well. temporarily atleast..
Do we need a reason to celebrate .. !!
mera desh mahan :)
Many a times we end up doing stuff , ignorant of the ramifications of our actions..
One tiny example of that is celebrating holi..
For a southie like me , who most always ran away from colors of holi ,be it in the neighbourhood or college , verbally slaughtered by my north indian friends as 'murdering the spirit of holi' ,any opportunity to look at an ocean of brown faces in a foreign counrty is more than enticing..
and so i went 2 be a part of the gang which managed to find an "indi dukan" in the middle of nowhere and armed with colors that would put a rainbow to shame , we launched the celebration.
Nothing gives you more a pleasure to destroy the tidy corridors and muddle the pool into a heavenly mixture .. well. nothing , probably more than trying out wild designs on people you dont even know , venting your vendatta on "any" available clean face :).
Grab the opportunity .!! well.. all done ....... serenity demolished , assignments ,exams and due papers long forgotten , out come brown people in all sizes and shapes with a dab of blue,green and what not. Some one even went to the extent of getting out chilli powder!!
dude!! hold on!! hell no .. i like holi but i dont wanna be crippled for life.......
and so it went............ for an hour,two , prob 5..
When the noise became too much,and people looked at us appalled ,prob wondering whether the natives have decided to launch their attack ...... and someone s meek warning that cops mite sniff us out.. thats when the fun stopped... well. temporarily atleast..
Do we need a reason to celebrate .. !!
mera desh mahan :)
The interview
Dated : January 2007
Sometimes , at unexpected places and times, my brain goes into the state of fuzzyness.
..a meta state where your brain,mouth and other visible reflexes fail to co-ordinate , where they all shamelessly fail each other and plunge into a confused blackhole..
Moral of the observed behaviour : I need sleep..
Of late,it has been happening at quite a few other instances.. an interiew at that!
Confidently entering, i vigourously shake hand,much to the "wise guy"s mistaken assumption that i was going to devour the job.
He glances at my resume (which unfortunately mentions more stuff under my skill set than i know -- the contrived work of an alter self, a greedy one typical of students hunting desperately for positions to pay for tution)
and casually throws a neutron bomb by starting with a complex code in the language i am unaware of.
Poor me , already gasping for air and silently cursing my bad luck and wondering where on earth were all my lucky stars and mom s prayers when i badly needed them,started off with a smart alecky verbose detour of the problem .
But the guy wanted none of those..
Having successfully aced some university exams just by prolific writing devoid of contents,i thought the experience would be a nitrobooster to my answering skills, but the lucky threads in my sun signs were probably eclipsed at the unexpected moment.
My interiew proceeds ,and a coupla minutes in, my status elevates to being "royally screwed" .I want to give up everything,tear my hair off and run out of the room yelling at the top of my voice .." I dont want the job" . But i have no choice.
Endless questions being shot at me,with occasional smirks and grins and quips of caustic humour leaves me dizzy and the afore mentioned state.. my mouth fails to listen to my brain ,as the former has reached a reject state due to dearth and mix of up contents of t he latter..
Result : Need i mention ?
Sometimes , at unexpected places and times, my brain goes into the state of fuzzyness.
..a meta state where your brain,mouth and other visible reflexes fail to co-ordinate , where they all shamelessly fail each other and plunge into a confused blackhole..
Moral of the observed behaviour : I need sleep..
Of late,it has been happening at quite a few other instances.. an interiew at that!
Confidently entering, i vigourously shake hand,much to the "wise guy"s mistaken assumption that i was going to devour the job.
He glances at my resume (which unfortunately mentions more stuff under my skill set than i know -- the contrived work of an alter self, a greedy one typical of students hunting desperately for positions to pay for tution)
and casually throws a neutron bomb by starting with a complex code in the language i am unaware of.
Poor me , already gasping for air and silently cursing my bad luck and wondering where on earth were all my lucky stars and mom s prayers when i badly needed them,started off with a smart alecky verbose detour of the problem .
But the guy wanted none of those..
Having successfully aced some university exams just by prolific writing devoid of contents,i thought the experience would be a nitrobooster to my answering skills, but the lucky threads in my sun signs were probably eclipsed at the unexpected moment.
My interiew proceeds ,and a coupla minutes in, my status elevates to being "royally screwed" .I want to give up everything,tear my hair off and run out of the room yelling at the top of my voice .." I dont want the job" . But i have no choice.
Endless questions being shot at me,with occasional smirks and grins and quips of caustic humour leaves me dizzy and the afore mentioned state.. my mouth fails to listen to my brain ,as the former has reached a reject state due to dearth and mix of up contents of t he latter..
Result : Need i mention ?
Remembering the great poet !
Dated:November 2008
I do tend to believe that knowledge and pearls of wisdom imparted at an young age do tend to stick till grave. I especially enjoyed the verses of kabir. Eloquent delivery with stringent use of words. Like a mellifluous jewel inside an obscure puzzle. I used to admire how something that was so hard to understand all made meaning beautifully. My naive mind that it was, adored my Hindi teacher who unlocked the puzzle and let it all out. He was the one who could bring out the literary drive amongst the veritable bedlam called class as presented by 6th graders.
A couple of those inspiring verses.
(In anguish everyone prays to Him, in joy does none
"Dukh Mein Simran Sab Kare, Sukh Mein Kare Na Koye
Jo Sukh Mein Simran Kare, Tau Dukh Kahe Ko Hoye"
To One who prays in happiness, how can sorrow come)
"Bada Hua To Kya Hua, Jaise Ped Khajoor(In vain is the eminence, just like a date tree
Panthi Ko Chaya Nahin, Phal Laage Atidoor"
No shade for travelers and fruits are hard to reach)
These embody a variety of suble poetic elements that render a rather profound exhilaration to the reader. Though not explicit in the above 2 verses, symbolism is as venerable an element of poetry as irony is for a story. This may raise many eyebrows but I find nourishment in excavating meaning out of a challenge, a maze of words. Unlike beauty, here the less obvious it is, the more impact it has.. once discovered. . . :)
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